The Whole Foods Diary, Part 1

If you are a New Yorker and you eat (check, and check!) Chances are you have spent greater than 46 minutes at a Whole Foods Store.  As a 7-year resident of this city, I have many thoughts about "The Rich Man's Trader Joe's". 

1) Their soup is really bland.  Lucky for me, I carry a bottle of Adobo Seasoning at all times.  

2) Their grapefruits are excellently stacked. I almost feel guilty when I ruin the symmetry. It's art. 

3) The DESSERT BAR. Omg. Everything in there looks like it's made for the dentally-challenged (read: it's all mush with whipped cream on top) but scoop that slop in a recycled- cardboard container... mmm.... I'd gum their bread pudding any day. See previous blog posts below. 

4) I saw Natasha Lyonne at the LES Whole Foods a few weeks ago.  I'd seen some pix of her before where homegirl looked kinda rough, but she seems to have pulled it together enough to have some stuffed grape leaves and organic soda. 

5) Their no-nibbling policy. I have nibbled. Have you? 

More to come. 

Slutty Halloween Rebellion--Food, Food, Food

Who decided that women needed to show skin on Halloween? I am not talking about girls (they can afford to make those mistakes and later burn the photo evidence of themselves as school girls and skanky paralegals) I am talking about women...let's say 25 and up. FUCK THAT. I think it is our responsibility to eat as much candy as we can and have double chin contests. Yup.

I Love Vanilla Dessert -- Post #3

Rice Krispie Treats. The most underrated dessert on the menu. Also, the least developed. People fear that adding new ingredients will ruin a good thing, and until very recently I adamantly agreed with them.

A few days ago I went on a date to Irving Mill in Gramercy and found quite a surprise on the dessert menu - "Pork Rind Rice Krispie Treats". WHAT?! I stared for a few seconds in shock. I couldn't have imagined a more doubtful combination...maybe cookies and tuna fish? Steak and apples? This was clearly the underdog of the sweets selection - all of the other choices boasted tradition and reliability, even our waiter attempted to steer us toward the delicious sounding New York Cheesecake. I wasn't having it.

To say that this combination brings one to a state of nirvana is a gross understatement. The rice krispie treats were light, yet somehow satisfyingly dense and the pork rind (s?) added a perfect hint of saltiness that you never thought an RKT needed and now can't believe you ever went without. Go to Irving Mill and order them now. But make sure you go with an open-minded friend.

Nachos

I Love Vanilla Dessert -- Post #2

I love, love, love plain vanilla pound cake. No frosting. No matter what you may think, I can say with absolute certainty that Sara Lee "All Butter Pound Cake" is one of the most amazing pound cakes you will experience. I have sampled poundies in various countries, several NYC and Boston bakeries and the homemade "version"....none of them compare to Sara. The moist and buttery loaf melts in your mouth like no other.

Find it in your local grocery frozen section, throw that baby in the microwave and experience the beauty. You will not be disappointed. My mouth is watering. 

Will your lay-off affect your diet?

The answer is yes. I speak from experience...

After being laid off last spring I immediately began to crave certain foods and detest others. Foods that reminded me of work were banished from my daily routine and items that used to nauseate me became increasingly desirable. 

Pickles are my favorite "ALO" (after lay-off) snack. I used to find them bitter and too garlicky for everyday consumption. Now, I dream about them. I have eaten whole jars in one sitting. I am not bitter myself (I SWEAR I'M NOT), but I have a newfound deep appreciation for the flavor. Sadly, I have not been able to enjoy pistachios and raisin/nut mixes as these were my go-to afternoon snacks at the office. 

Ps. I thought I was pregnant when I first got laid off as I figured that was the only way my eating habits could possibly change

Pps. I quickly realized said Ps. was impossible as I don't have sex

Ppss. I also JUST realized said Pps. will be discovered when I am a big politician and some idiot pundit will reblog about me being an inappropriate food blogger who finds ways to incorporate lack of sex life into eating life

What are your ALO snacks?? 

Consumption In Transit

I know that I am not the only person who has food anxiety when in transit. Be it on a bus, plane, blimp (in my dreams) or poorly driven uhaul, I have a lingering fear that I won't have access to food, and if I do, it could go very wrong. Take for instance the time I decided to eat left-over chinese food (I know, what the hell was I thinking) on a bus trip between NYC and DC and ended up throwing up in the vehicle's restroom. If you have ever stepped foot into a bus restroom you are aware of the long term trauma that one will have to deal with after having their mouth anywhere near a greyhound toilet.

Due to my fears and life experience, I generally like to bring certain easily digestible snacks with me or make sure I will have access to them at some point in my journey. My favorites are cheezits and diet pepsi (always consumed simultaneously as their chemical backgrounds compliment one another nicely), turkey jerky, and any and all types of haribo gummies (the beauty of these candies will be discussed in the future).

Oh! Also on a recent trip to London, my tripmate stumbled up Marks and Spencer's gummy pigs...we proceeded to consume several bags on our flight home and on top of being exceptionally delicious and stomach-friendly, I am 78% sure that they bring about a new kind of sugar high causing you to hallucinate.